Fixture

On this day, it was the Sarries who were home as the ‘Diff welcomed the ‘Dod’.

After a three day journey from middle earth, the visitors arrived at the Rec fresh faced and taken in by the City lights of the Roath area. The ‘Dod’ certainly weren’t awestruck by the trip to the big city, and arrived mob handed and ready for a good physical game of rugby. As early top of the table leaders, they were determined to set their stall out early, unfortunately for the cow pushers from up North, it was the pocket rocket Owain ‘What you say?’ Jones who danced/smashed his way through the Llandrindod Wells defence and crossed the line to get the Sarries on the scoreboard first. As the kicking Pig  was away sunning himself trying to crunch up his crackling, the ball was thrown over Chris ‘Why do I never get to kick?’ Parks to Martin ‘ I never have to queue at Disneyland’ Gurr. Mr Gurr struck the ball with his one good leg and the ball sailed over to add the extras. So with only four minutes gone, the ‘Dod’ found themselves 7:0 down and a game on their hands.

Almost straight after the restart, the farming boys decided to stick the ball up their jumpers as if it were an abandoned lamb, and nothing comes between a horny farmer and a young sheep, this resulted in them rumbling on over the line with a tear in their eye. The conversion was added and the game was miles apart at 7:7.

On the quarter of an hour mark, some silly play by the Sarries resulted in a simple penalty to the visitors who took full advantage and kicked for the posts with success. Then came a moment that Cardiff University are now writing a paper on.  With the needle on the Richter scale going up and down like a fiddlers elbow, Simon ‘Sweet Cheeks’ Payne decided to stick two fingers up to the world and with ball under wing decided to take on the ‘Dod’ backs. After stepping through the scrum half, Big Si set his sights on the No:10. Now some say the guy took a dive, myself I think he shat himself, but the eyes can’t lie and I swear he done him. With the visitors humiliated by the tight head prop, they decided to fall over themselves and cut the man down illegally. A penalty followed which saw Christopher ‘Young at heart’ Parks roll back the years and take a quick tap penalty. Unfortunately, he thought he told everyone else what was going on, and after a flood of tacklers jumped on top of him, Cwissy disappeared like a student loan.

Just after half an hour, Joseph ‘What day is it?’ Ellis was spear tackled and rooted head first into the Roath Park soil.  After plucking himself out from the stone infested ground, young Joseph threw away his anger management leaflets and decided that the best way to vent his frustration was to start a Persian grappling match. As the ref, preferred oiled up Greco wrestling, he decided to dismiss both players and sent them off each with a copy of ‘Oiled Boys’.

With the half coming to an end, Llandrindod were clearly in the driving seat. A Sarries scrum underneath their own posts, saw a good strike from the magical Aled ‘Have you seen my scar?’Hughes. This was followed by a pass from the base of the scrum by Matt ‘How can I get so much power into a pass with such small arms?’ Morgan that radar would struggle to track. With the ball going backwards quicker than Gareth Lloyd in a fight, Martin Gurrs hands weren’t as quick as his eyes, and the ball went through his hands like a Roman nail and ended up somewhere near Penarth Pier. This resulted in a 5 meter scrum to Llan’dod who took full advantage. With the ball at the base of the scrum, the visitors decided to flip the ball up to Owains twin brother and he smashed his way over the Sarries line. With the extras missed, the half was called to a halt with the visitors leading.

Half Time Cardiff Saracens 7 Llandrindod Wells 15

The second half began with both teams struggling to get a foothold in the dirt. With the ball not really moving from the halfway line, a magical moment from the 50 year old Gareth ‘Benjamin Button’ Lloyd made everybody’s jaw drop including the ref. With the ball on the floor, Gareth kicked the ball through with a touch like Pele, he then chased the ball like Desert Orchid, he then put the ‘Dod’ full back under so much pressure, he didn’t know if it was New York or New Year. With some fumbling by the visitors back line, a penalty was awarded after some handiwork in the ruck. Up stepped the beautiful Martin Gurr to see what he could do. After a kick that only missed the upright by about thirty feet, Martins head fell to the chant of ‘Are you Parksy in disguise?’.

With the visitors putting some good phases together, they soon found themselves deep in the Sarries half. After young Gareth’s earlier exertion, he decided enough was enough and decided to slap an opponent’s shoulder when he was buried deep under a ruck and he couldn’t see who done it. Unfortunately for the Sarries, the ref did see who carried out the heinous crime, and although he was struggling to find a rule for sending him off, decided he was sick of looking at ‘Trigger’ and sent him off for 10 minutes. Rumour on the sideline was rife that the ref once visited Lava Lounge with his wife for a quiet drink, and she disappeared for a while. They now have a child with a stammer and hairy toes. From the resulting penalty, The ‘Dod’ took a quick penalty and scored their third try of the game. The 2 point extra was missed and the score stood at 7 : 20 to the visitors.

On the hour mark, the Sarries had a penalty and after Mr Gurrs last miss, decided to kick for touch. With Chrissy ‘Give it here?’ Parks belting the ball down the touchline, they found themselves in the away teams 22 with a lineout. With some interchanges which saw the youngsters Paul Ames and Sam Hayes joining the line out, all they needed now was a good throw by Harry Potter. With the lineout won by the Sarries, some good phase play was put together by the backs. The forwards and backs decided to combine and some good interplay by Tom ‘Catch me if you can’ Payne and Ian ‘Oi’ll smash yer’ Dunne saw the latter smash through the defence and over the line to get his name on the score sheet. With a cheer that made the posts shake, Martin ‘Gis a Job’ Gurr narrowly missed the kick blaming the Sarries side line support on wobbling the posts. With Chrissy Parks not happy with others taking the limelight, he showed these youngsters why he is the best Canadian ever to play for the club. With the ball in hand and the ferocity of an hormonal woman, he decided to sit three players down in a row, but with only the now shaking full back to beat, he reiterated how good he is with ball at foot and kicked it straight into touch. Fool!

With the game coming to a close, a late burst by Paul ‘No my brother is the fat one’ Ames saw the Sarries make a last gasp attempt to get the bonus point by finishing within seven points. It wasn’t to be, but a great performance by the Sarries boys will put them in good spirits for next weekends derby against Cathays.

Final Score   Cardiff Saracens 12  Llandrindod Wells 20.

Billy 'Seen a strange looking dog in The 'Dam' Williams