Fixture

On another beautiful day in Cardiff Bay, The Sarries were hosted by a somewhat depleted CIACS side. With the Sarries making up the numbers for the Tiger Bay side, the game started with Adam 'The Pig' Worthington putting the ball deep into the home teams half. With Paul Cubbs scooping up a ball from the ensuing tackle, he then fell over and rolled, and rolled, and rolled until the referee had no choice but to penalise the self styled Waterboy. With the CIACS deciding on a touch finder, it was down to the newly found hooker Seth Pritchard to throw in for the opposition. With his copy of Hooking For Dummies rapidly scanned, the ball was won by the Sarries who after some great handling by Tom 'Dumb & Dumber' Payne, newly found posh boy Matt Mott-Dowling went over in the corner for the first points of the game. With Jimmy 'The Hitman' Chau taking on the kicking duties, it was soon evident why Treorchy RFC had no objection to him joining the Sarries.

With the score at 0:5 to the visitors, Wee Willy Whetstone made a clinical break, only for our illustrious skipper to walk in front of him after wondering what the hell was going on. With the home team going for touch again, it was time for Seth to set the records straight with a determined line out throw. With the CIACS on the charge, multi-nationality Pig decided it was him who would put a stop to the move. Needless to say, the squealing was heard across the Bristol Channel when one of the CIACS players nailed the Pig to the pitch. With some sloppy play from the home team, Alex 'Serengeti Sunset' Holvey pounced on the ball and released the flying winger Sam Tomlinson who was unceremoniously dumped into touch. From the lineout, Wee Willy found himself with an open field in front of him, with nothing to tackle him but the posts. Jimmy Chau smashed the ball over the posts, and with ten minutes gone, Sarries were leading 0:12.It was then the turn of another Sarries virgin, Shaun 'The Model' Dunphy, to cross over uncontested to add to the score sheet. Unfortunately, Jimmy couldn't add the points, so the score stalled at 0:17 to the visitors.

From the following kick off, which only went 9.98 meters, an uncontested scrum was won by the Sarries, with the ball flying out to the Porker at stand off, who decided to ignore a three man overlap and f'*** it up. With the CIACS now flying up the pitch, Aled 'Chopper' Hughes tried to emulate his hero Ram Man from He-Man, he flew ankle high head first like a thalidomide (no arms). Penalty to CIACS which they failed to re-claim and which resulted in a catch & drive by the Sarries, and this then led to Mikey 'The Viking' hurtling up the pitch with only the sound of the sea in his ears, grounding the ball under the posts to help the now forlorn Hitman. Score 0:24

With Paul Cubbs snapping up a short kick off, Jon 'The BabyMaker' Phillips found himself in the back line. With Jonny unable to see himself running the length of the pitch, a deft slide of hand by the ancient prop, saw the laughing assassin Tom Willy Payne cross the line with James Chau adding the extras. Score 0:31

With several good passages of play by the Sarries which included Giles 'The Monster ' Moseley smashing the poor opposition scrum half into the middle of next week, Piggy tried to draw the on-rushing defence. Only known to the Sarries, Adam Worthington couldn't draw the curtains, but fortunately Shaun Dunphy was outside who managed to get a grip and cross the white wash. With The Hitman failing to get to grips with the non-swirling wind, the extra 2 points went begging.

Half Time CIACS 0 ; Sarries 36.

With the skipper being replaced by Owen 'Sideshow Bob' Thomas, the second half began where the first half left off, The Marle, Grangetown, Cardiff. With Tom 'The Pain' Payne finding himself with ball in hand and the CIACS waiting for the final whistle, he glided down the touch line and crossed for his third try of the match which was converted by Mr Chau. Score 0: 43

With Sam Tomlinson, deciding he needed a rest, it was on with Spencer ' I went to a private school' Myers, The Sarries then found themselves on the CIACS line only for Ginger Al to knock on over the line. Fool!

Then Spencer 'Harrow' found himself in space with the ball in his finely manicured hands. With one eye on the try line, and the other on the sideline edging towards his girlfriend, he decided to let Matt The Mott cross for his second try of his new career. Jimmy also eyeing up Spencers au-pair, he sliced the ball like a professional chef. Score 0:48

With the boys struggling for water as Cubbs was on the pitch, Mikey soon found himself thundering up the pitch like a student at a BBQ, he decided not to make it too easy for the struggling kicker. To nobodies surprise, the extras weren't added. Score 0:53

With a penalty to touch by Pig, the Holv, fed the back line only for Tom Payne to show how good he is with his hands, Unfortunately, with hands like the late Jeremy Beadle, the ball was knocked on. With Mikey now playing in the back row, he again found himself with the ball in his possesion, and he soon crossed for another try and this time, feeling sorry for Jimmy Chau, made it so easy even Chrissy Parks would have found it hard to miss. Score 0: 60

With everybody anxious to watch Wales lose to Australia, the Sarries were finding it harder not to score and Matt Mott crossed over the line for the eleventh try of the match. With confidence bubbling, Jimmy took his place in front of the posts to slot over another conversion. Score 0:65

With whistle in mouth, the boys found time for one final rally and it was Alex 'The Super Lock' Holvey who got a deserved try to close the game. Jimmy added the extras and the ref decided enough was enough and brought a very one sided game to an end.

Final score. CIACS 0 : Cardiff Saracens 74

With 4 wins out of 4, the Sarries are going from strength to strength, and will need all their steely determination for the forthcoming Swalec Cup/Bowl game against Abercumfightme RFC.

Billy Williams